so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
