Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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