were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's rum buckets o'clock
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
