you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
