how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
