I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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