i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
