He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We need a shit load of segways right now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
