My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
