And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
