He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
