I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
