Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
