how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
