dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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