i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
