All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
