the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
