Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
