and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
