we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
