he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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