Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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