Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
