guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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