My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
