After last night, I could never be a politician.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
