Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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