I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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