how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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