Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
