You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
