Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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