There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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