He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
