i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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