Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
operation have a gay friend backfired
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
