I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
