i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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