Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
