Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
