How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We need to get me chipped asap
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
