if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
