if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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