The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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