the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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