just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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