suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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