She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
