Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
