Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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