That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
