the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
