OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
