it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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