i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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