Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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