When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
