Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
