I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
