Quick, to the slutcave!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
