Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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