I wish I could teleport
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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