Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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