it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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