I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
