Someone shit on the floor
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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