Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
