Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize