Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
