My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
