Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still dying that you shit outside
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
