This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Be still, my beating vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry about my life...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
