woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
