im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
