Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
from now on my penis is your penis
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
