Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
