Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
